Today's Yin class was particularly hard. Not because of the
poses ( In fact, I find that I can get deeper and deeper each class) but
because it took me almost 20 minutes to center myself. 20 minutes to calm
down, focus and be only on my mat. That's a long time for me.
There were distractions. Someone
walked into class late, the music next door was blaring and I'm completely
overwhelmed with my business right now. (Mainly b/c the kids are out of
school for the summer and I don't have as much time to designate to it)
Of course the entire time I was telling
myself.. "Erika, this is your problem. Deal with it."
So, I used a mantra this class which I
normally don't feel the need to do. 'All is full of love" I
said it over and over. I then began to mentally send my peace in thick
white blankets over the other students while 'mantraing' "all is Full of love". And yes, even the girl that was late, even though at the end of the class the appologized to the instructor not the rest of the class. What? I'm over it.. really!
We moved into fire log ( a sitting cross leg position) and I had a bolster
propped up in front of me to rest my head. As I lay my head down on the
bolster, I got a glimpse of my hips and felt a brief moment of disappointment
at their size. (Many of you know that I have battle with body image my
entire life and I'm working very hard on loving my body) But, no sooner than
the disappointment arrived, it was replaced with tears. How could I have been so blind.
I sent peace out to everyone in the room
but MYSELF. Once I realized this, a voice just said.. "Be kind to
yourself, my love."
This particular practice was internal for
me. I began the class frustrated with circumstances I couldn't control
and I couldn't center. Then I was frustrated because I was so frustrated
that I couldn't center. Finally with the mantra and acceptance of my own
love, I was able to reel it in. Be on my mat and find love for myself.
Now that is a good practice.
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